An Open Letter to Twitter (Mind Reader Device)
My name is Adam and I am your biggest fan. Everyone calls me a Twat because I am so good at twitter and have so many friends. Somehow I got on the twitter bandwagon late and only now I am catching up. I wish someone could of mentioned twitter earlier to me or even tweeted it, which now I think about it would be redudant because I still would not of seen it. Anywho I am writing to ask you for a favor. Your technology is geting old and needs to be replaced ASAP.
“It became difficult to let everyone I know, every single one of my thoughts”
Back in the dark ages before twitter I used to have to have real human being friends to tell them stuff, and news agencies didn’t report tweets as news. Also if I wanted everyone to know what i was doing I would need to update my facebook page, but it became difficult to let everyone I know, every single one of my thoughts. So I was stuck with only updating my status 10-12 times a day and had way too many characters to play with which confused me and terrified me. In fact I dont think I have ever been that confused since a priest was comforting me after losing a friend saying they are now with Jesus. As a 12 year old it was hard to understand why I am thankful that Jesus is looking after a freind whom he was so kind to kill anyway. Only when I realised Jesus was jealous of me having so many cool friends that he tries to steal them did this make any sense. Unfortunately for Jesus I have 50 million twitter friends now so good luck with that plan, although I heard his dad wiped out the entire poulation except for one family. How they reproduced to repopulate the earth gets a little vague though.
“I propose some kind of mind control device that reads all your thoughts and immediately publishes them”
Back on topic, Twitter is now reaching the limit that facebook had reached earlier. There is not enough time and energy in a persons life to send out a sufficient number of tweets. I propose some kind of mind control device that reads all your thoughts and immediately publishes them. Did I say mind control I meant to say “Mind Reader” device. Dont want to go all Plankton on the population now do we? Without such a device millions, possibly billions of thoughts are being wasted without anyone to hear or read them. Human intellectual capital literally going to waste. Just imagine the possibilities, Ashton Kutcher tweeting “That was one of the biggest shits I have ever done” or Kim Kardashian tweeting about her underage liasons with Justin Bieber. My friend Kevin doesn’t like the idea and thinks governments should be responsible for what we think, read, see and consume but he is old so does not count. I am pretty sure everyone else in the world agrees with me. I have attached a picture of the mind control device for your tech guys to use as a model.
P.S. I think its cool that a Blue bird can be so successful particularly since glass ceilings (and windows) are so hazardous for birds.