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Leave Facebook Alone!!!

7 June 2010 3 Comments

I was going to wear a wig, and post something on youtube but as per usual my lethargy has stopped my creative juices from flowing. So instead I am going to post my social observations here where about 2 people will actually read it, but in my mind the whole world will see it. It is in relation to the latest social networking scandal about a paedophile “grooming” children for sex. Now not even I am going to make jokes about paedophilia, I wouldn’t touch that with a ten foot pole (and no that’s not some sort of sly pun, you sick individual).

The article in question can be found here, and basically describes how a sick individual from the UK (the home of sick individuals? Think posh, Jordan and Gorden Brown) used facebook to connect with kids he would meet as a postman and as a soccer coach. It claims that the social networks were an important factor in his “operations” and were derelict in their failure to protect the children (won’t somebody think of the children”). Now I like a good dose of tall poppy syndrome in my news week but its getting to be ridiculous. Media is like the cool kids at your school. There is no discernible feature that makes them cool, but there is no denying that once seeing and meeting them their coolness in instantly recognisable. Hot topics in media are the same. No idea why it is suddenly cool to bag out social networks security issues, but suddenly every second article had been dedicated to just that. Its a herd mentality that seems to have no distinguishable leader. So in providing equality in the media I am going to propose others who could also be to blame for this, all jokes aside, horrible situation.

The Media

Ever seen the news were they highlight a flaw in national security and then go into great detail how to exploit said flaw? Its absolutely ludicrous. Constant media coverage of the flaws in security and the ease in getting access to children via social networks may just be compounding the problem. Just a thought.

The Post Office

What kind of organisation allows a man to roam the streets and canvas houses in disguise? Its the 21st century version of a ninja, paying someone to canvas the community (and deliver mail). We don’t even need the post office, we have emails, but if we must keep it we can at least publicise times when the postal rounds are being done so that we can safely lock children away during these times.

The Soccer Club

Apparently soccer clubs have children running around, wrestling, playing, getting sweaty, getting undressed, and all sorts of sick activities for paedophiles to prey upon. In addition adults are allowed full access to these children under the guise of “coaching” and “community service”. Why don’t we just lay out the welcome mat to all paedophiles for a free buffet. All kids sports should be banned immediately.

The Kids

Apparently kids are unable to make friends outside of an online setting. Even worse though I saw kids at the beach in swimmers! I am not kidding there was more skin visible than somewhere where… there is even more skin visible. Can you even blame the paedophiles with kids dressed so inappropriately these days.

The Parents

My wife tells me that parents are actually responsible for the actions of their children. If this is the case (although I can’t see how it could be possible) then all poor decisions made by the kids in these circumstances can reflect a lack of parenting. How about keeping an eye on what your children do every now and then. Protecting your kids is not the governments job, its not the police’s job, its not the communities job and its not even facebooks job, its your job so do it.

George W Bush

Well George is pretty much responsible for everything else wrong with the world, so its only a matter of time before a direct link will be found in this case. As he once said “There’s an old saying in Tennessee — I know it’s in Texas, probably in Tennessee — that says, fool me once, shame on — [pauses] – shame on you. Fool me — You can’t get fooled again.” Well said George, well said.


Kevin promised to protect us from this with a mandatory ISP filter. One that I assume will be adopted by the rest of the world when Australia’s success is evident. However it still hasn’t been implemented yet so this is your fault, Kevin.


God created the heavens and the earth, Man, and well lets just say everything. Therefore God created this man, facebook, soccer, and the postal service which all contributed to this. So he or she is ultimately responsible and our outrage should be directed to him/her or it.


That’s right you and me are just as much to blame. We are the ones who like connecting with friends on social networks. We are the ones that send and receive mail through the post. We are the ones that like watching sport and encourage it. We are the ones who allow children to wear whatever they want and get seen in public. If it wasn’t for us and all our selfish desires this may never of happened.

The Paedophile

Last one although it probably is not their fault at all, but I thought I should mention the actual pedophile himself. Without social networks, postal service and soccer he probably could not of perpetuated the acts, however some blame should probably be apportioned to him (not as much as facebook though). Because before Facebook and soccer and the post there were never any Paedophiles around.


  • Jaimes said:

    Hi there :) found your blog through a link to you from The Punch, now I’m working my way through your archives – good stuff so far :)

    Loved the comment about parents: “How about keeping an eye on what your children do every now and then.” SO true – facebook is supposed to be for over 18’s to begin with, and we don’t need a stupid internet filter to prevent kids going on the wrong websites, what we need is parents paying attention to what their kids are doing!

    Anyway, I’m gonna get back to reading your archives :)


    Adam Diver Reply:


    Glad you like my rants so far. The really funny/ironic/sad part about all these satirical post is that they are pretty much common sense. Its sad to see a world where common sense naturally comes out as satire.


  • Five Facebook Faux Pas’ | Scribble Scratch said:

    […] the internet gospel, according to Adam. It may confuse you as to why I have compiled a list on facebook faux pas, as I know it somewhat ironic (or perhaps it should be hypocritical) for a socially reclusive human […]

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